Where's The Netflix Doc?

I love a good documentary. True crime, unsolved mysteries, crazy neighbors, relationships gone bad - give me all of it, plus my blanket and a crispy Coke Zero and you won't hear from me for hours.

There's just something to be said for escaping your own reality and losing yourself in salacious stories that make your problems seem like junior varsity issues.

It's with that very sentiment that I HAVE to believe the documentary on-deck circle must include something about "it".

The market.

The dream-crushing, soul-sucking job market.

Even with the current hellscape aside, there are few storytelling genres more ripe for laughs and gasps than tales of applications, interviews and offers. And I'm talking about every unflattering angle - job seeker drama, hiring manager horrors, recruiter rites of passage. ALL OF IT.

Since this blog is called Career Tales & Trails, perhaps we can be the breeding ground. Netflix producers, have a seat and enjoy some tasty docu-snacks. I'll only charge 50% of royalties when this thing blows up.

I'll start, because I've been in the game since the infancy of job boards, and I've probably hit application numbers in the millions. Seriously, that Workday class action suit hates to see me coming.

Some of my personal highlights:

• The interview years ago when the interviewer interrupted me mid-answer (this was an in-person interview, and about 20 minutes into said interview) and bluntly asked me "has anyone ever told you that you talk too loud?". Ummmm.....not until now ma'am, but noted? Excuse me while I transition to a whisper for the remainder of our conversation because I don't know how one responds to that kind of "constructive feedback" in real-time.

• The time I had a phone interview scheduled for a week, and the night before I received an auto-generated ATS email that the role was no longer available. I emailed the recruiter to see what the deal was, but never got a response. Which, I suppose, IS a response. I certainly wasn't worthy of human confirmation, because one's livelihood isn't so very human or anything.

• The time that an internal recruiter emailed me to advise I didn't get xxx role with yyy manager. Great, except that wasn't a role I'd applied to. I replied and advised that it was actually zzz role I was waiting to hear back on, and he replied that I didn't get that one either. Cool. See you in the cafeteria?

• The time as a recruiter when I called an applicant for a previously-confirmed phone interview and she didn't answer. Not the first time, and not the second time that I tried again a few minutes later (because sometimes life happens). She called me back about an hour later, and when I asked what happened (because I was no longer available to conduct the phone screen), she said she was washing dishes and her hands were too soapy to answer. So life didn't happen - Dawn dish detergent happened.

• The time as a recruiter when I had to rescind an offer. That's never not awkward, but this scenario included a failed drug test, an inability for the applicant to partake in a hair follicle test (typically the next step), and an unfortunate conversation about body hair. Or a lack thereof.

• The time when I was the hiring manager, and in an effort to make the applicant comfortable, I asked him for the proper pronunciation of his name. He said I could pronounce it however I want. Sir, I'm already annoyed.

• The time I actually survived a hiring process, made it to my first day, and was told I'd been hired as a contractor on a 6 week contract. Even though all discussions had been about a full-time role, as had my offer letter. Thankfully this was just a clerical error, but it's the closest to a coronary event I've ever come.

• Never forget where I started - in a call center, chasing delinquent car payments. I could post some of those stories, but the language people spewed at me would require an NC-17 rating. For real - I was threatened with a physical act involving Vaseline and the resolve in that person's voice haunts me to this day.

Let's hear from the interwebs. What are your battle scars? What moments have made you question your will to live, if not at least your will to collect a steady paycheck? I'm standing here, ready to hold your beer. Hit me with your worst - and be sure to say it louder for the people in the back (namely my interviewer from exhibit A).

(Cue the documentary music).